Breath… don’t give in to the flesh… let the ray of light shine ever so brightly upon your reflections and light up your candle of dreams… Breath… absorb… Breath… let out a cry… Breath, absorb, shout, breath, absorb, scream, breath, absorb, kick, punch, breath, absorb, listen… Do you hear anything? It’s the sound of your thoughts. Now let them in and breath, absorb then listen. Don’t give in nor give away.
Is this it? Every now and then, I look back into my crystal ball and wonder: “is this my victory? Will there be another challenge? Will this disappear with a blink of an eye?” You see, I been a scared little girl for almost all my life: relationships lost, friendships questioned, unnecessary competition with people that aren’t going to see me…”
I look into my crystal ball and I see it glow. I see my future and it is glowing. I have never felt this before. I never thought I will get this far. Is this, what is so called “happiness?” I am every day woken up by someone that loves me;who has had his share of darkness… every night he kisses me on my lips and never fails to show me unconditional love. He never fails to show me my true beauty.
My crystal ball… is this it? I am in shock, I am breathless, I am alive… I am in no need to say, do, show anything to anyone. I have nothing to prove… as I see through my crystal ball, I see myself; gracefully loved and understood. All this, I’ve been waiting for and it is finally here; no one and nothing can take this away.
Healing is a process, especially when you felt betrayed, deceived and worse abused. Along the way, my quest of finding myself, spiritually, while seeking the path of the Holy Ghost; I’ve encountered many challenges. It became a soup of emotions: greed, anger, vulnerability, denial, worthlessness, etc. I’ve realized that the only way out is by seeking (our Lord’s) truth, forgiving and love (fear in our Lord)… when I came across this turn in my life, I felt, “It’s too late for me…” Not realizing that it’s never too late to begin with our Lord.
My Love can be wonderful. Sharing it with others is what I want. It is something I am grateful for and I want to reveal to those who feel scared and lost. However, can this force inside me be stable? Will she be welcoming, will she be shelter, will she be heard, will she be understood, and should she be yours?
Hidden away for such a long time, I myself have misunderstood her. Hidden and kept in a box, locked away with a key that took a long time to find. Ironically, hidden in a box, she kept warmth, she kept beating, and she called out to me. I question, am I worth it to you?
Nonsense… I am worthy. I am vulnerable. I am happy. I am hungry. I am growing. I am strong. I am true. I am selfish and I am a woman… but I am not perfect.