All posts tagged grief

Un Toque tan Real (written Sept. 6, 2009, Spanglish)

Published October 20, 2013 by moradalila2010

Desperté. Sentí un golpe fuerte en mi corazón. Un aro acabo de penetra en mi corazón. Eleve y sentí calentura. Desperté. Quise quedarme dormida, porque en mis sueños te quedaste.

Hubo un conflicto. Algo pasaba.

I couldn’t establish what was going on. I ran toward my mother. She ignored all reclaims. She become deaf and stupified. So running into another room, tears developing, the agonizing pain consumed my flesh. Weeping because my mother didn’t wanted to listen to me.

De repente, apareciste. Corrí así ti y te abrase fuerte. Me decías, cuando te abrazaba, preocupado, —“¿Qué te pasa…?— De repente sentí un golpe fuerte, —“¡Papi!”—

Tall and handsome, dressed in a suit; running toward Papi hesitated him. He wanted to know why I’m crying. I weep some more. Seconds later, I felt _el golpe_.

Un abrazo sintiéndose eterno y real. Abrazándome, me mantuviste cerquitita y yo aguantándote fuertemente. Las emociones elevaron.

No air, just the touch of my small hands around your back and my cries for help. You grasped on to my tiny body. I kept on weeping. I felt complacent. I felt your vivid presence. Instantly, I awoke…

No puede respirar. Sentí un golpe tremendo en el corazón. Tu piel, tan fresca, pude volver a tocarte. ¿Qué fue esto? ¿Qué fue lo que sentí casi ahora?

Papi, you were able to break away from the super-natural force that blocks you from humanity. You were able to hold on to my body while I felt turmoil…

¡Aparesiste! Y te espumaste rápidamente.

A picture of you I hold in my hand, weeping like in my dream.

De nuevo te convertiste en un Ángel. Te esfumaste. Y así desperté, llorando, porque te quedaste dentro de mi sueño.

No Me Queda Mas (Daddy Memoir, written Sept. 5, 2009)

Published October 20, 2013 by moradalila2010

I wrote this short piece while I was grieving for my father (in Spanish). A lot was going through my mind; my connection to him at the time was through writing and prayer. Now, it’s been 6 years; I still can feel his warmth caressing my shoulders, his voice still telling me ‘You’ll always be my little girl…’ and his smile so bright and carefree… I know he is watching over us.



                      RIP Frank Rodriguez 1938-2007

Tranquilidad, será mi acecina. Que mis gritos, dentro de la oscuridad, no serán escuchados, ni siquiera podre escuchar la ayuda de otros seres humano. Este acercamiento será un camino lleno de reencuentros, tristezas, realizaciones, o downfalls.

¿Fui yo el que decidí perseguirte? Completas un vacio dentro de mi alma.

Podre decir, que dentro de ti te llevaste algo muy valioso para mí y a la misma vez dañino. Llevaste ilusiones. Llevaste acercamiento. Llevaste niñez. Llevaste y derramaste revolvimientos, y algunas compasiones. Llevaste y robaste mi corazón.

Aunque todavía existe dentro de mi vida esperanzas, sueños, progresos, no pudiste llevar algo tan doloroso, el miedo.

Pero aun así, tendré tu presencia. Mientras crecía, sembraste y cultivaste en mí tu sencillez. También tu brillo de tu cabello castaño, tu nariz grande, tu rostro y tus ojos. Enteraste cultura, y etnicidad…

Cultivaste y modelaste a otra persona.

Posiblemente te has llevado varios sentimientos, pero todavía hay memorias. Eso no lo pudiste llevar. No me ensenaste como estar sin ti. Ahora este corazón tiene que convivir con el miedo y esta ausencia infinita.

To My Brothers (a note from a Veteran)

Published April 7, 2013 by moradalila2010

My husband has written this letter after the announcement of the war being ended. This was his insight and feelings toward this event in history. His powerful words has inspired me to also reflect upon those who have fought in this war, that for me, has not yet ended.  

“Today as we mark the end of the Iraq War, I find myself unsure as how to feel. On one end, I feel sorrow at the loss of four and a half thousand of our brothers and sisters with countless more wounded and others forever changed through the trials of war. On the other hand, I also think of the countless enemies, whom did not face justice, whom will live on to fight another day.

I think about my own experiences, friends I made and lost, especially, after our return, the sacrifices made by all and the mistakes of a few. I think of my own feelings of guilt of leaving the fight unfinished and the relief of being recalled to duty only to face even greater challenges, grief and sacrifices. To witness the gratitude of some of those we sought to liberate and the futility of trying to convince others that we where indeed on their side with their best interest at heart regardless of some politician ambitions or machinations.

At this point, none of it matters. What is done is done and cannot be undone or redone. I have no regrets and make no apologies to what was a truly eye opening experience.

I know now that none whom have never served can understand the complexities of war. Even those close to us who try to understand but cannot. How do you explain the unexplainable? How can they see what they have not seen?

I write these words in search of my own answers and to get my brothers and sisters to come to terms with this most somber of days. For today, is not a day of celebration, but a day of mourning for our comrades who we’ve lost. I hope my fellow comrades, with whom I have served, can look in the mirror and see the truth in that you are all men and women of honor. Courage and sacrifice. Every last one, whether American born or American earned. God bless you all and to those still fighting the good fight…good hunting.”

Oracion al Alma Boribundo (spanish blog)

Published April 7, 2013 by moradalila2010
Yo no pregunto por mucho. Solo pido que mantengo esta paz que estoy sintiendo ahora. No quiero perjudicarme dentro de la relación que tengo. No quisiera, ni menos, perjudicarme dentro de este clima. A veces no puedo requerir ni exigir mucho. La paciencia que tengo; el esfuerzo que cargo; mis emociones, consume y produce un “ va & ven” en mi alma. Esta paz no es emocional sino espiritual.
No quisiera ser la perjudicada y meter excusas a cosas que por supuesto necesitan resultado, inmediatamente. No se puede perjudicar a los hijos de aquellos que son ciegos a los prejuicios de una madre. Esta madre podar estar buscando su fe ahora. A una edad 3era, en el cual ha abierto sus ojos para encontrarse en las garras del Diablo; de un Demonio que logro perjudicarla: la depresión y ansiedad. Estos Demonios combinados con la soledad, tal vez el abandono y los juzgadores de su apariencia social y su morales.
Dios, abre su alma para poder escuchar a su Espíritu Santo, que aun batalla para llegar a ella. Espíritu Santo, que me atrae a ella, porque moralmente y físicamente ella contiene orgullo para resistir ayuda de ambos sus hijos ciegos y la miá.
No pido mucho. No requiero mucho, solamente equilibra mi paciencia y estado de humor hacia su situación y su familia. Quisiera verla sonreír y no llorar. Quiero que se levanta y eche al lado esas voces vagabundos e ignorantes que quieren verla caer en ambos Demonios; la depresión y ansiedad.
Requiero que mi corazón y la tuya les hablen y les den ayuda en estos tiempo de necesidad; en estos tiempos de oscuridad…
No lo podre lograr sin ti Espíritu Santo y Ángeles de la Guardia. En el final mi alma batallara hasta verla sonreír sin miedo y sin prejuicios. Yo podre ser su camino o ángel de su salvación…
Gracias & perdoname por cualquier duda.

Short Statue Entry

Published April 7, 2013 by moradalila2010

Breath… don’t give in to the flesh… let the ray of light shine ever so brightly upon your reflections and light up your candle of dreams… Breath… absorb… Breath… let out a cry… Breath, absorb, shout, breath, absorb, scream, breath, absorb, kick, punch, breath, absorb, listen… Do you hear anything? It’s the sound of your thoughts. Now let them in and breath, absorb then listen. Don’t give in nor give away. 

Tasteful Truth/Reality

Published April 7, 2013 by moradalila2010
       Is this it? Every now and then, I look back into my crystal ball and wonder: “is this my victory? Will there be another challenge? Will this disappear with a blink of an eye?” You see, I been a scared little girl for almost all my life: relationships lost, friendships questioned, unnecessary competition with people that aren’t going to see me…”
      I look into my crystal ball and I see it glow. I see my future and it is glowing. I have never felt this before. I never thought I will get this far. Is this, what is so called “happiness?” I am every day woken up by someone that loves me;who has had his share of darkness… every night he kisses me on my lips and never fails to show me unconditional love. He never fails to show me my true beauty.
     My crystal ball… is this it? I am in shock, I am breathless, I am alive… I am in no need to say, do, show anything to anyone. I have nothing to prove… as I see through my crystal ball, I see myself; gracefully loved and understood. All this, I’ve been waiting for and it is finally here; no one and nothing can take this away.