Looking at my resume, thinking: “I could of obsessively and insanely chased after a production/journalism career.” However, the Lord has awoken my abilities to an extreme level. I cannot sit here no more and regret neither sob over 3rd-4th place skills that I can apply through my journey while I have 1st-2nd place abilities that will work highly within my family, personality, jobs, and many more.
You see…I saw/heard the Truth when I hear that my husband is promotive, that my sister in law is successfully going through a PH.D, that I see my in laws less stress and happier (enjoying their senior years), when I see that every person that surrounds me are loving, supportive and grateful for things that I’ve accomplished (marriage, home, job, baby, etc.). But all these things haven’t come if I weren’t have been a caregiver, a humble and sentimental friend, a listener, a guardian, a “you need a hug” companion, determine, spiritual…
Lord, I searched, searched and searched… I’ve seen my purpose now, though I’m still a little sketchy, I have found the one thing that never fails to make me content. With that said, I’m no longer searching for approval neither keeping testimonies nor am I dismissing my Holy Spirit which has brought me this far in my life… I am a successful, emotionally-revealing, inner-dependent (soul food crabber) lady 🙂
~~Poetic entry from Morada Lila~~
I hear within me an angel whispering. Asking me to do kind things. Telling me to just try it, be worthy of what you have and be thoughtful and aware of those that don’t. Seems that Jesus is trying to tell his children to not be afraid/fear to extent a hand to those who are struggling, who have loss and were derailed from a specific path, who feel that there’s nothing left in this world but struggles and just “unworthy, pity” request… I hear the angel. She directs me; reminding me the importance of Christ’s birth and sacrifice. It’s the thought that counts; “strange” bold gestures of walking up to them and saying: “God bless you” or simply smiling and not looking away making them ashamed or hopeless… I hear an angel and she is my Holy Spirit directing me to reveal the love of God. I shall listen, for all that I have (friends, family, home, job, life etc) is due to his Grace, Wisdom and Love… and I owe this all to Him.
~~Poetic sayings from Morada Lila~~
(Taken by teaching series, Oneplace.com, Dr. Lutzer Erwin W. “Just Let the Lord Lead”)
Rom.12:1-2;Mat.7:7-8~~~Our transformation shall only be known, understood and holy with the guidance of our Lord’s will.
Transform me. Lead me into the path of the unknown. Fear will withhold me but you know how to shove and slide me towards this path. I shall not fear; you’ll be there with me. Wisdom, I seek, for my destiny as a mother, as a story-teller and as a caregiver (for many that are in need to be heard) shall be spread with light in their lives. Casting your light upon them, with your guidance, shall reveal their TRUTH…
Faults will be uncovered; allow my growth and wisdom of story-telling reveal to them, “You’re not alone.” Slowly, allow my strengths to become the reflection of your Love & good will. Transforming it into the purple butterfly that I’ve imagined to be; flying shoulder to shoulder reflecting the beauty of walking towards your path of resurrection and faith.
I’m not ashamed of who I am. I’m not afraid to to reveal my love for you. I am who, what, where, how my everything is because of you. Though I can be selfish; not show my respects by just saying a simple graceful “thank you,” I know in my mind you are my savior, you are always fair and never fails to give us many chances… Thank you for revealing Truth. Thank you for cherishing me, loving me and never letting me down. Thank you for casting knowledge, love and support in my surroundings through friends, peers and worshipers. Above all thank you for rebirth, for another chance, another beginning, redemption… I know many don’t respect you or give you credit but the power of the Holy Spirit, in me, has taught me forgiveness, kindness, gratitude, faith and hope which speaks sincerely about you. Nothing nor anything can break the gestures, if it do, your wisdom will carry me through. No silence, no fear, no pain, no despairs (desperation)… For everything you been through as a parent, individual in society, a teacher and being part of a family… Thank you for being our savior, Lord, Jesus Christ.
Desperté. Sentí un golpe fuerte en mi corazón. Un aro acabo de penetra en mi corazón. Eleve y sentí calentura. Desperté. Quise quedarme dormida, porque en mis sueños te quedaste.
Hubo un conflicto. Algo pasaba.
I couldn’t establish what was going on. I ran toward my mother. She ignored all reclaims. She become deaf and stupified. So running into another room, tears developing, the agonizing pain consumed my flesh. Weeping because my mother didn’t wanted to listen to me.
De repente, apareciste. Corrí así ti y te abrase fuerte. Me decías, cuando te abrazaba, preocupado, —“¿Qué te pasa…?— De repente sentí un golpe fuerte, —“¡Papi!”—
Tall and handsome, dressed in a suit; running toward Papi hesitated him. He wanted to know why I’m crying. I weep some more. Seconds later, I felt _el golpe_.
Un abrazo sintiéndose eterno y real. Abrazándome, me mantuviste cerquitita y yo aguantándote fuertemente. Las emociones elevaron.
No air, just the touch of my small hands around your back and my cries for help. You grasped on to my tiny body. I kept on weeping. I felt complacent. I felt your vivid presence. Instantly, I awoke…
No puede respirar. Sentí un golpe tremendo en el corazón. Tu piel, tan fresca, pude volver a tocarte. ¿Qué fue esto? ¿Qué fue lo que sentí casi ahora?
Papi, you were able to break away from the super-natural force that blocks you from humanity. You were able to hold on to my body while I felt turmoil…
¡Aparesiste! Y te espumaste rápidamente.
A picture of you I hold in my hand, weeping like in my dream.
De nuevo te convertiste en un Ángel. Te esfumaste. Y así desperté, llorando, porque te quedaste dentro de mi sueño.
I wrote this short piece while I was grieving for my father (in Spanish). A lot was going through my mind; my connection to him at the time was through writing and prayer. Now, it’s been 6 years; I still can feel his warmth caressing my shoulders, his voice still telling me ‘You’ll always be my little girl…’ and his smile so bright and carefree… I know he is watching over us.
Tranquilidad, será mi acecina. Que mis gritos, dentro de la oscuridad, no serán escuchados, ni siquiera podre escuchar la ayuda de otros seres humano. Este acercamiento será un camino lleno de reencuentros, tristezas, realizaciones, o downfalls.
¿Fui yo el que decidí perseguirte? Completas un vacio dentro de mi alma.
Podre decir, que dentro de ti te llevaste algo muy valioso para mí y a la misma vez dañino. Llevaste ilusiones. Llevaste acercamiento. Llevaste niñez. Llevaste y derramaste revolvimientos, y algunas compasiones. Llevaste y robaste mi corazón.
Aunque todavía existe dentro de mi vida esperanzas, sueños, progresos, no pudiste llevar algo tan doloroso, el miedo.
Pero aun así, tendré tu presencia. Mientras crecía, sembraste y cultivaste en mí tu sencillez. También tu brillo de tu cabello castaño, tu nariz grande, tu rostro y tus ojos. Enteraste cultura, y etnicidad…
Cultivaste y modelaste a otra persona.
Posiblemente te has llevado varios sentimientos, pero todavía hay memorias. Eso no lo pudiste llevar. No me ensenaste como estar sin ti. Ahora este corazón tiene que convivir con el miedo y esta ausencia infinita.