REVIEW: Common Speaks to Chicago on New Album Nobody’s Smiling

Published July 26, 2014 by moradalila2010

This is a current issue that our future generation has to deal with. Regardless of what social group, class or culture even race this upcoming generation is sacred (not to mention scar-faced) and as a new parent I feel we need to adapt and overcome … we cannot allow our children to hide in the shadows of darkness. I’m just saying…

Lost Sheep (Inner Thoughts)

Published July 26, 2014 by moradalila2010

A mind filled with nonsenses. The explosion has begun. A sheep in the meadow, out in the open. Howling wolves expecting their prey to collapse in fear; waiting for me to surrender. The howls get stronger every night. The approach is near. I am allowing myself to become their prey. Surrounding myself with the enemy, making a pack; exchanging my dignity and spirit for peace and quiet. The smell of fear, worries and disappointments trace my exact location; my every move. My Shepard is no where near. I’m on my own. I led myself to the wolves. All I can do is either run or hide …

# # # #

Laid my head against the pillow, seeing your smile and pondering what to do. Your innocence is what I kill for. I’ll sacrifice anything to keep you enclosed, not to be exposed to any harm. But we are destined from birth with a purpose. Why God? Why did I become a mother? Was it by choose or was it destined? While she cries, it makes me wonder if I can do this. I feel shame. I feel anxiety. I feel hopeless. I feel scared … Trying to chase away an angry mob of suggestions, parenting advice and past remorse creeps into my head … Am I doing the right thing? I’m doing exactly what my puppeteer, The Dark Shadow, expects me to do: to follow and mimic others’ lives and advice. All I hear are voices that suggests too much and cast out my inner angelic voice and graceful values. Starting on a sour note.

Trust in Him: Lord, surround my sanctuary with positive and reliable sources. Allow me to trust in you and neither lean upon nor rely on my own thoughts and fears.

The Way I Think (Proverbs 23:7)

Published July 26, 2014 by moradalila2010

Now I’m a Writer. A Creative Writer. A type of Writer that displays her emotions on paper and tears down unbreakable boundaries. Anyone can be a Writer. Writing isn’t only for the Scholars. It’s also for regular folks like you and me.

I’m a Writer that expresses what’s tormenting; cultural boundaries that were shown to me while growing up. I write for a future that is unscripted, that only God would know and for my children to read. Writing is my therapy. Being a stay home mom doesn’t post pone my thoughts because I shouldn’t be afraid to share my challenges as a new mother in this generation. I’ve cried so much to the point that dams exploded!

The thought of running away; the thought of not being fit for motherhood … Yes, indeed! I under-estimated myself. In case you’re wondering I’m in one piece (Thanks to God). I’m not broken (Thanks to God). Seeing my daughter smile as she awakes up or when she tries to fall asleep is priceless. I wouldn’t want her potential, purpose to wither neither want her to be in discomfort because of cultural boundaries.

Why hold back my thoughts? This is a calling (I said it before). My Holy Spirit, the angelic voice who’s responsible for my writing, builds the story; explains to me THE TRUTH. I’ve learned that one’s enemy is oneself. Our thoughts mold us and structures our physical appearance to the world. I have multiple titles for my enemy: Inner Demon, Dark Shadow, The Beast, The Monster, Social Anarchist, etc. This enemy of mine portrays fear, silence, and all the deadly sins. The Evil that feeds off arrogance whenever I’m competing with others just to “prove a point” or my existence within its’ hierarchy.

Maldita sea este ser que vive dentro de mi. The only way out from it or the only way to stop it is by doing what I do, writing. Vomiting the venom of despicable feelings and discomforts as well as good ones (oh may I remind you it hates that). So as I write I’m going to tell you my stories; if I don’t, then I’m feeding into my Inner Demon which becomes more stronger, which means, extreme tortures. I shouldn’t be frighten by the figure of expressionism. I want to break the Chain of Silence and Fear that has been encoded by most of my ancestors due to cultural oppression, pride and lack of education.

Tell God Everything (Psalms 13:1)

Published July 26, 2014 by moradalila2010

I just yell at her. I scream and complain to her. I look at her and just leave her there; as if I am not ready for this. How can I trust You! I am not …

I’m afraid of the inner Demons. They’re trying to poses my Holy Spirit into going away. All I want to do is cry. I feel exhausted, I feel lazy and I feel untrustworthy. Why am I allowing myself the doubts, the disappointments?

This isn’t me God! This isn’t me! Am I not suppose to feel overprotective? Am I not suppose to cast away all the doubts and allow the good-will come to me? Right now, I want to leave …

I’m losing my spirit. I am losing my religion. I don’t know … What’s wrong with me? Everyone around me says “You’re doing great,” I disapprove …

I’m weak, vulnerable and confused. I allow my guards to be down. Causing crazy, weird spirits (ghosts) to come into my home and touch my things! Touch my most precious things that mean so much to me …!

Why do I become attach to others’ strengths; depending upon them to reboot? I am just a weak …

Lord, this is me crying out to you for HELP!

S.O.S Life Savior in need …

A Glee Moment

Published April 1, 2014 by moradalila2010

We meet people day by day. But there are some people who stay close to you (in your heart). Once you say your fair-wells; you begin to wonder, where will these people end up in a few years? or would we meet again? It’s destine to meet one another. Some, most than other, feel that they have meet before (can you say day-cha-boo) and it’s an instant connect.

I’ve seen and heard from many, we’ve been through a lot after H.S., however each challenge we take upon has been won, each of us have grown in our own ways; leaving behind a lot of painful & sad moments but keeping the good & fabulous one; promising ourselves that we’ll remain as friends and to never look back…

I cannot emphasis how content I am with all of the people who I’ve had an honor to meet. Each moment in my life, I consider a lesson; another moment to sail through the storm and find the light; to see myself in the mirror for who I really am (that includes previous relationships, old-new friends, ex-coworkers and coworkers)…

I’m about to be a mother! This I am thankful and give some of the create to people who considered me more than just a “weirdo, nerd or random chick” and/or “classmate, student, neighbor, or ex-acquaintance/friend.”

I am overwhelmed with joy, love and gratitude…

~Morada Lila~

Withstanding Self (Holy Thought)

Published March 25, 2014 by moradalila2010

Women are like tea bags; it isn’t until you dip them into hot water that you’ll figure out how strong they can be (paraphrase from President Roosevelt quote).

(Psalms 63; 1-11, MSG)

As my unborn child is being formed in my womb; I’ve noticed, how merciful and grateful you have been to me. Before my rebirth (towards the end of 2013), I went through trials and turbulence. An aura that not many can see at the present time. No one can see: my fears, my dark shadows, the younger version of me that has been kept in a concealed environment; a part of me that I’m glad has been washed away as I emerged into your holy water…

I used to feel as if nothing would ever be right for me; moments where I felt that I just couldn’t wake up, moments where I couldn’t see my reflection in the mirror, moments where I wanted to escape; the desire to be with my father (RIP 2007), the only person who guarded me from dark shadows lingering within our family.

Every other night, I was awoken to silence; agonizing because, I was surrounded by people who were ignorant and too scared to face the Truth; threaten by silence, a curse implanted upon my mother side’s of the family…

You’ve never under-estimated me. The venom of silence, couldn’t trick me into believing the lies. I destroyed the crippled walls that kept me from my purpose; I’ve cried out for salvation and courageously walked through a path filled with shattered glass.

Each fearful step, I bleed. Each fearful tear, I bleed. Each fearful cry, I bleed… I’ve bleed out the venom, I’ve bleed out the lies, I’ve bleed and drained all that was left from the falsehood created by abuse, cold-distasteful, deceiving physical love and greed. I drained the blood that supposedly resembled who I am as a woman.

Towards the end, you welcomed me with a new embrace; providing me with friends and mentors who were bold and stubborn enough to shield me, take care of me, and encouraged my metamorphosis. These people, became my family. They feed my Soul and Spirit; never questioning, never doubting and never cursing me.

As I move further towards your path, the feeling of clarity and peace overwhelms me. This overwhelming sensation has enlighten my future. I praise the days to come by embracing my voice. Not holding my tough, I speak the Truth and tear through las cadenas y berras del silencio (the chains and gates of silence) that once held me back from love, dreams and myself. Narrating my story, which would soon be heard by many who are being kept in the dark because of the venom caused by silencing their voices.