spoken words

All posts in the spoken words category

Mi Pequena Lily (A Mother’s Envision)

Published August 1, 2014 by moradalila2010

As you dream;

I watch you drift into the skies.

Gliding in the clouds I see your wings.

You are flying away into El Paraiso.

I watch your adult self evolving in my dreams…

Beauty so deep. Driven inspiration afloat.

In your eyes, glittering success and down by the lake I see your reflection so clear and pure…

Youth so well preserved;

skin so soft, hazel crystal eyes of jewels that reproduces your beauty across the land…

It’s not enough, the refection of your grown self.

Would this be you some day…?

Your paradise intertwined with my Garden of Metamorphosis.

Our hands touch;

you held me tightly, never let me go.

Protect me just like your abuelito Tico and your father has.

Never silences the beauty of Las Mariposas…

I awoke and I hear your cries.

Your baby smile;

enlightenment, curiosity, observant.

You my child may not have seen yourself in my dreams.

I know you’ll be alright…

Lost Sheep (Inner Thoughts)

Published July 26, 2014 by moradalila2010

A mind filled with nonsenses. The explosion has begun. A sheep in the meadow, out in the open. Howling wolves expecting their prey to collapse in fear; waiting for me to surrender. The howls get stronger every night. The approach is near. I am allowing myself to become their prey. Surrounding myself with the enemy, making a pack; exchanging my dignity and spirit for peace and quiet. The smell of fear, worries and disappointments trace my exact location; my every move. My Shepard is no where near. I’m on my own. I led myself to the wolves. All I can do is either run or hide …

# # # #

Laid my head against the pillow, seeing your smile and pondering what to do. Your innocence is what I kill for. I’ll sacrifice anything to keep you enclosed, not to be exposed to any harm. But we are destined from birth with a purpose. Why God? Why did I become a mother? Was it by choose or was it destined? While she cries, it makes me wonder if I can do this. I feel shame. I feel anxiety. I feel hopeless. I feel scared … Trying to chase away an angry mob of suggestions, parenting advice and past remorse creeps into my head … Am I doing the right thing? I’m doing exactly what my puppeteer, The Dark Shadow, expects me to do: to follow and mimic others’ lives and advice. All I hear are voices that suggests too much and cast out my inner angelic voice and graceful values. Starting on a sour note.

Trust in Him: Lord, surround my sanctuary with positive and reliable sources. Allow me to trust in you and neither lean upon nor rely on my own thoughts and fears.

The Way I Think (Proverbs 23:7)

Published July 26, 2014 by moradalila2010

Now I’m a Writer. A Creative Writer. A type of Writer that displays her emotions on paper and tears down unbreakable boundaries. Anyone can be a Writer. Writing isn’t only for the Scholars. It’s also for regular folks like you and me.

I’m a Writer that expresses what’s tormenting; cultural boundaries that were shown to me while growing up. I write for a future that is unscripted, that only God would know and for my children to read. Writing is my therapy. Being a stay home mom doesn’t post pone my thoughts because I shouldn’t be afraid to share my challenges as a new mother in this generation. I’ve cried so much to the point that dams exploded!

The thought of running away; the thought of not being fit for motherhood … Yes, indeed! I under-estimated myself. In case you’re wondering I’m in one piece (Thanks to God). I’m not broken (Thanks to God). Seeing my daughter smile as she awakes up or when she tries to fall asleep is priceless. I wouldn’t want her potential, purpose to wither neither want her to be in discomfort because of cultural boundaries.

Why hold back my thoughts? This is a calling (I said it before). My Holy Spirit, the angelic voice who’s responsible for my writing, builds the story; explains to me THE TRUTH. I’ve learned that one’s enemy is oneself. Our thoughts mold us and structures our physical appearance to the world. I have multiple titles for my enemy: Inner Demon, Dark Shadow, The Beast, The Monster, Social Anarchist, etc. This enemy of mine portrays fear, silence, and all the deadly sins. The Evil that feeds off arrogance whenever I’m competing with others just to “prove a point” or my existence within its’ hierarchy.

Maldita sea este ser que vive dentro de mi. The only way out from it or the only way to stop it is by doing what I do, writing. Vomiting the venom of despicable feelings and discomforts as well as good ones (oh may I remind you it hates that). So as I write I’m going to tell you my stories; if I don’t, then I’m feeding into my Inner Demon which becomes more stronger, which means, extreme tortures. I shouldn’t be frighten by the figure of expressionism. I want to break the Chain of Silence and Fear that has been encoded by most of my ancestors due to cultural oppression, pride and lack of education.

Tell God Everything (Psalms 13:1)

Published July 26, 2014 by moradalila2010

I just yell at her. I scream and complain to her. I look at her and just leave her there; as if I am not ready for this. How can I trust You! I am not …

I’m afraid of the inner Demons. They’re trying to poses my Holy Spirit into going away. All I want to do is cry. I feel exhausted, I feel lazy and I feel untrustworthy. Why am I allowing myself the doubts, the disappointments?

This isn’t me God! This isn’t me! Am I not suppose to feel overprotective? Am I not suppose to cast away all the doubts and allow the good-will come to me? Right now, I want to leave …

I’m losing my spirit. I am losing my religion. I don’t know … What’s wrong with me? Everyone around me says “You’re doing great,” I disapprove …

I’m weak, vulnerable and confused. I allow my guards to be down. Causing crazy, weird spirits (ghosts) to come into my home and touch my things! Touch my most precious things that mean so much to me …!

Why do I become attach to others’ strengths; depending upon them to reboot? I am just a weak …

Lord, this is me crying out to you for HELP!

S.O.S Life Savior in need …

Withstanding Self (Holy Thought)

Published March 25, 2014 by moradalila2010

Women are like tea bags; it isn’t until you dip them into hot water that you’ll figure out how strong they can be (paraphrase from President Roosevelt quote).

(Psalms 63; 1-11, MSG)

As my unborn child is being formed in my womb; I’ve noticed, how merciful and grateful you have been to me. Before my rebirth (towards the end of 2013), I went through trials and turbulence. An aura that not many can see at the present time. No one can see: my fears, my dark shadows, the younger version of me that has been kept in a concealed environment; a part of me that I’m glad has been washed away as I emerged into your holy water…

I used to feel as if nothing would ever be right for me; moments where I felt that I just couldn’t wake up, moments where I couldn’t see my reflection in the mirror, moments where I wanted to escape; the desire to be with my father (RIP 2007), the only person who guarded me from dark shadows lingering within our family.

Every other night, I was awoken to silence; agonizing because, I was surrounded by people who were ignorant and too scared to face the Truth; threaten by silence, a curse implanted upon my mother side’s of the family…

You’ve never under-estimated me. The venom of silence, couldn’t trick me into believing the lies. I destroyed the crippled walls that kept me from my purpose; I’ve cried out for salvation and courageously walked through a path filled with shattered glass.

Each fearful step, I bleed. Each fearful tear, I bleed. Each fearful cry, I bleed… I’ve bleed out the venom, I’ve bleed out the lies, I’ve bleed and drained all that was left from the falsehood created by abuse, cold-distasteful, deceiving physical love and greed. I drained the blood that supposedly resembled who I am as a woman.

Towards the end, you welcomed me with a new embrace; providing me with friends and mentors who were bold and stubborn enough to shield me, take care of me, and encouraged my metamorphosis. These people, became my family. They feed my Soul and Spirit; never questioning, never doubting and never cursing me.

As I move further towards your path, the feeling of clarity and peace overwhelms me. This overwhelming sensation has enlighten my future. I praise the days to come by embracing my voice. Not holding my tough, I speak the Truth and tear through las cadenas y berras del silencio (the chains and gates of silence) that once held me back from love, dreams and myself. Narrating my story, which would soon be heard by many who are being kept in the dark because of the venom caused by silencing their voices.

 

My first words: Being 1st time Mom

Published August 8, 2013 by moradalila2010

Someday you’ll open your eyes; when you do, I will be there holding you. I will wipe away your tears when you get your first scar. I want to make sure you live your purpose; we got your back. You will never feel alone or confused. I won’t hide any secrets, I want you to be yourself. As you grow, I will sing to you, pray for you, laugh and cry with you… we will enjoy life because God has blessed us.

There will be times when you will feel scared; when you look back I am cheering for you. There will be times when you want to fight; when you are fist pumping I am disciplining you with TLC. There will be times when you want to be right; you will turn around and I will be holding a book in my hand telling you stories about righteous people. When I am gone… you will turn around, you will see me in the mist of the light underneath the stars and sunsets… Our spirits will never be apart… I will be proud of you till the end of time.

Broken Silence: Praising Our Lord without any Fear

Published May 5, 2013 by moradalila2010

Silence. Is what can be either bitter sweet or pleasant.

Silence. Someone’s friend best or worse enemy.

Silence. Crying pains, joyful moments.

Silence. Unspoken beauty stored where no one can hear, for fear of the unknown, judgments or misinterpretations.

Silence. Unclear scars, once so hurtful and shameful.

Silence. Is what most hear when someone is crying for help, loneliness, confusion…

Silence. What this world we live in wants us to do.

 

Jesus says, “speak!” I will reassure your words, shield those lips from venom.

Jesus says, “Speak!”

Silence, in front of the Demons who point straight at your heart, but fails for THE TRUTH is their kryptonite.

 

Open up your heart, let me in!

Open up your hearts and let him in…

I took a step. It wasn’t easy, the trip over there, but I have proclaimed my faith and I am full of power and joy. I can take anything anytime. Now I know that I am worthy and my value is strong. I am going out there, to this world, to not just proclaim my faith but to testify that I have survived many storms, cried many nights, hurt in silence, had many doubts and kept in silence. I have spoken beautiful words that many fear to speak… Jesus loves me and I know that I will obey with my purpose.

 

Silence only when I listen to those that need an ear.

Silence when I hear ignorance or negativity.

Silence only when the Holy Spirit tells me to rest; I am not afraid… this is the power of our Lord upon entering in my life.