A mind filled with nonsenses. The explosion has begun. A sheep in the meadow, out in the open. Howling wolves expecting their prey to collapse in fear; waiting for me to surrender. The howls get stronger every night. The approach is near. I am allowing myself to become their prey. Surrounding myself with the enemy, making a pack; exchanging my dignity and spirit for peace and quiet. The smell of fear, worries and disappointments trace my exact location; my every move. My Shepard is no where near. I’m on my own. I led myself to the wolves. All I can do is either run or hide …
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Laid my head against the pillow, seeing your smile and pondering what to do. Your innocence is what I kill for. I’ll sacrifice anything to keep you enclosed, not to be exposed to any harm. But we are destined from birth with a purpose. Why God? Why did I become a mother? Was it by choose or was it destined? While she cries, it makes me wonder if I can do this. I feel shame. I feel anxiety. I feel hopeless. I feel scared … Trying to chase away an angry mob of suggestions, parenting advice and past remorse creeps into my head … Am I doing the right thing? I’m doing exactly what my puppeteer, The Dark Shadow, expects me to do: to follow and mimic others’ lives and advice. All I hear are voices that suggests too much and cast out my inner angelic voice and graceful values. Starting on a sour note.
Trust in Him: Lord, surround my sanctuary with positive and reliable sources. Allow me to trust in you and neither lean upon nor rely on my own thoughts and fears.