My husband has written this letter after the announcement of the war being ended. This was his insight and feelings toward this event in history. His powerful words has inspired me to also reflect upon those who have fought in this war, that for me, has not yet ended.
“Today as we mark the end of the Iraq War, I find myself unsure as how to feel. On one end, I feel sorrow at the loss of four and a half thousand of our brothers and sisters with countless more wounded and others forever changed through the trials of war. On the other hand, I also think of the countless enemies, whom did not face justice, whom will live on to fight another day.
I think about my own experiences, friends I made and lost, especially, after our return, the sacrifices made by all and the mistakes of a few. I think of my own feelings of guilt of leaving the fight unfinished and the relief of being recalled to duty only to face even greater challenges, grief and sacrifices. To witness the gratitude of some of those we sought to liberate and the futility of trying to convince others that we where indeed on their side with their best interest at heart regardless of some politician ambitions or machinations.
At this point, none of it matters. What is done is done and cannot be undone or redone. I have no regrets and make no apologies to what was a truly eye opening experience.
I know now that none whom have never served can understand the complexities of war. Even those close to us who try to understand but cannot. How do you explain the unexplainable? How can they see what they have not seen?
I write these words in search of my own answers and to get my brothers and sisters to come to terms with this most somber of days. For today, is not a day of celebration, but a day of mourning for our comrades who we’ve lost. I hope my fellow comrades, with whom I have served, can look in the mirror and see the truth in that you are all men and women of honor. Courage and sacrifice. Every last one, whether American born or American earned. God bless you all and to those still fighting the good fight…good hunting.”
Breath… don’t give in to the flesh… let the ray of light shine ever so brightly upon your reflections and light up your candle of dreams… Breath… absorb… Breath… let out a cry… Breath, absorb, shout, breath, absorb, scream, breath, absorb, kick, punch, breath, absorb, listen… Do you hear anything? It’s the sound of your thoughts. Now let them in and breath, absorb then listen. Don’t give in nor give away.
*making sense*Ecclesiastes 3:1 (ref. “Trusting In God,” by Joyce Meyers & both Catholic and NIV Bibles)
Healing is a process, especially when you felt betrayed, deceived and worse abused. Along the way, my quest of finding myself, spiritually, while seeking the path of the Holy Ghost; I’ve encountered many challenges. It became a soup of emotions: greed, anger, vulnerability, denial, worthlessness, etc. I’ve realized that the only way out is by seeking (our Lord’s) truth, forgiving and love (fear in our Lord)… when I came across this turn in my life, I felt, “It’s too late for me…” Not realizing that it’s never too late to begin with our Lord.
My Love can be wonderful. Sharing it with others is what I want. It is something I am grateful for and I want to reveal to those who feel scared and lost. However, can this force inside me be stable? Will she be welcoming, will she be shelter, will she be heard, will she be understood, and should she be yours?
Hidden away for such a long time, I myself have misunderstood her. Hidden and kept in a box, locked away with a key that took a long time to find. Ironically, hidden in a box, she kept warmth, she kept beating, and she called out to me. I question, am I worth it to you?
Nonsense… I am worthy. I am vulnerable. I am happy. I am hungry. I am growing. I am strong. I am true. I am selfish and I am a woman… but I am not perfect.